Heyyy Beautiful, you went to bed so ill just send you an email. Today has been an average day, yes I got pissed a bit from someone else’s stupidity but I think I was just blaming him when really I’m pissed I’m still on this boat, every day that passes is one day closer to you and I get happier but it’s also a day I lose with you.
I want to hold you in my arms again, I know distance gets harder over time, and I know we will survive this, and anything else we go through because this experience has taught me a lot! It taught me the areas I am most vulnerable with you, and it taught me how much a care about you, how to avoid arguments that shouldn’t have been arguments, and what we need to work on, which in my eyes is just communication with one another, we talk to each other often but we never tell each other how we feel about certain things, I mean eventually I should just be able to tell what will bother you and know I shouldn’t do it unless I risk you getting upset and vice versa. It has also taught me one of the most important things about us, it taught me why our love will last, and does so every day! And I’m so happy I relearn it again and again. I just wish I could expand that love and erase and worries or doubts about anything you have ever had!
What about you! What have you learned?
In the beginning of this deployment I drilled myself with work, giving me everything I could volunteer for, doing anything to take my mind away from being away from you, and it worked but as time went by I couldn’t help but to always think of you, what you are doing, how your day has been, what you did, or with who! I wondered if I was there what we would be doing, the things I would do for you to put a smile on your face, and how I smile every time I think of you!
Any words I can get from you, whether they are I love you, or a conversation helps me get by every day, every day I look forward to reading your emails, and wondering what you said, or if you’re not working so we can actually talk, or if you will be busy, every night I look at my ring you gave me and think of you and I sleep peacefully.
I look around now and I see these people and they are at work, yeah I mean they miss their lives and they miss their families but I wonder if they truly know what love is, if they think its just something they have to feel cuz there used to it, or is it something grand something that keeps your heart beating hard in your chest just from thinking about them or one smile from them can turn your day around, or just a few boosting words from them can lift you spirits, I feel that with you. I’ve never tried to word it, but everything I do it’s because you, even with my job, yeah I want to better myself but I like you being proud of me, I like impressing you, making you laugh or smile, I like the look in your eyes that you give me that melts the walls around me.
I just want that again, I want to see your smile, hear your thoughts, show you how goofy I am with my PJs lol or slips or tacky styles and hear your inputs on things, take you out to eat and just talk about nothing, watch a movie with you and ruin it for the old couple in front of us (which was a good movie ill admit, just trying to make your brother laugh there) haha. cuddle with you, or cook food and have fun with you in the process!
I feel like I’m rambling on about everything but idc, I just don’t know how to tell you I love you without words right now! idk how to make you smile from this far away! I don’t know how to make you laugh, or make jokes with you so far away. Words just carry so much meaning to us right now that all see now is those words and they carry weight on us that can burden us or put us at ease!
when I say this I mean it with every heartbeat I’m capable of making in this life time, I love you without a doubt, anything I could give you I would to make you happy! I miss you so much it hurts and want to take away the hurt you feel from me being away. I am sorry we are going through this!
I Love You Completely
This email brought tears to my eyes..i remember my blog from yesterday about distance and this letter just lifted me up! Its hard but its nice knowing i have someone going through it with me..even if he is half a world away! I think of all the times ive been selfish on my part, have blamed him for the hurt and lonliness i feel, have wanted to give up talking because thats all we do and just argue because i dont know what else to do, and i feel so so terrible. I know im not perfect but knowing i am loved so completely by him and to read these words confirms for me why i am in love with him and why i go through this terrible seperation.
If you dont have someone like i have, dont give up hope! They come in all kinds if versions of good! And theres a guy or girl made perfectly for you! You just gotta open your heart up, know when to walk away from the wrong person and into a life of being single so that you can find this person, and pray like hell God is on your side and will bring them into your life! Never give up, all good things in life are the things we have to work hardest for 🙂