Being pregnant comes with one side effect they never tell you about! CRAZY weird vivid dreams! Sometimes ill wake up in a panic or sweating as i try to keep myself awake so i don’t fall back into the same dream! Other times ill wake up crying because the dream seemed so real that what i just witnessed really happened to me! Last night was one of those nights! except i woke up feeling like i had accomplished alot and i felt my sense of self had been renewed! It got me thinking…but first let me tell you my dream!
My dream started off with me being at the office i worked in while i was at Capital University. I was sitting in a large circle being stared at by a bunch of High School students!..If you go to Capital you know how inconvenient it is to have high schoolers come visit because our campus is already small and they take up alot of room and crowd the cafeteria!..anyways, My supervisor Teresa asked me to tell them the best piece of advice i had learned in my 4 years there..I thought about it one minute and then i said, “just focus!.” I went on to explain my 4 years and how no matter how many times i wanted to give up and go home, no matter how hard class got or how stressed out i had gotten as long as i focused on the reason i was there in the first place i could keep going. They all stared and then asked questions like, what about relationships and friends? I recounted how i had been in a relationship that tore me down but once i ended that and focused i was able to find my husband and he was my greatest encourager and my friends were also a great deal of help..and as long as you make the right relationships, healthy relationships you can make it through much easier and with a better outlook on life!
I woke up as my husbands alarm rang. Time for work again! When he leaves I usually sleep in until 10am but it seems today will not be one of those days. I started thinking about what i had told all those kids, about my husband and my friends, and “just focus.” I had my birthday 2 days ago but i didnt check my facebook until yesterday and i noticed a video posted by one of my best friends and a few girls that were in my major…they sang me happy birthday and wished me luck with the baby. I didnt realize how meaningful this video was to me until it was over and i wanted to cry! i saw these girls almost everyday but i hadnt realized that they would ever do this for me! It made me feel somewhat important. like i did matter when i was there!
Then i thought about my husband and everything he does for me and how he pushed me through my last year of school. never letting me give up and trying to relieve my stress as much as possible…even though i knew deep down he wanted me to be with him! I don’t know anyone who encouraged me as much as he did…My love for him increased as i realized all the things he still does to love me…and i realized hes never intentionally made me cry, never intentionally hurt me or my feelings. He cares for me like i’m the most precious piece of glass and i don’t know that ill ever deserve the way he loves me. All i know is i hope in my lifetime i can make him feel that way too!
“Just Focus”…my main goal in life was to graduate college so i can have a brighter future. Now that its over i only focus on being a wife and soon to be mother. Then in may i start online classes for my Masters in Counseling…and i wonder what its going to be like..what is my main focus to get me through the next few months? it hasn’t changed! i want a brighter better future but now with more furry than before because i have a husband who supports us all and i want to help him. I have a daughter who will need a lot of things and i want her to be proud of me! I want her to have hope for a future too! I want her to see what her father and i have struggled through and be encouraged that she can accomplish anything she wants!
I want other people to know the same thing. Maybe its not school, or work, it can be anything in life! Just focus on whats ahead. Focus on your dreams, or why you started what you’re doing and just keep going! I don’t care if the world falls apart underneath your feet! Just keep going! I did it and i’m still doing it! You can too!
Today im linking up with Jaclyn Rae for her blog –Would your 10 year-old self like the person you’ve become? What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
When i was ten years old i used my dads fishing lines in a pond becuase i wanted to fish and they got stuck in trees and id fill up his cooler with tadpoles and hed find them all dead the next day when he needed his cooler for work!
id ask my mom to draw me pictures of a woman and shed draw me stick figures with triangle dresses and bows on their heads and flippy hair!
i climbed trees and ran around barefoot. I stayed outside all day and i loved softball! i could lay outside underneath the stars all night. i loved camping outside in my friends tents and having sleepovers.
I loved swinging from the braches of the willow trees near the creek down the road from my house. and i loved shells so much that my friend and i went underneath the bridge near our school and collected tinsey tiny shells that no one but us knew were there.
I chased lightening bugs and played in the mud puddles..barefoot!
I would draw and color all day and write cute little poems for my mom and for me..
i didnt care what anyone thought and i was care free….
Now thats all gone..and im nothing like her anymore.
i dont like fishing anymore because i dont have the patience and i only like thepart of peace and quiet of sitting with someone. i dont draw anymore because “i dont have the time.” i dont go outside barefoot because it hurt my feet, and i rarely look at the stars because i dont slow down enough to admire them. i hate running and im not athletic at all. sleepovers and camping never happen because money is more important and i have 2 jobs to pay bills. i still love trees and shells but i dont swing from them lol. i stil love lightening bugs but i dont capture them because its mean, and i would never jump in a mud puddle because i dont want to get dirty. i care too much about what people think and im always stressed…WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MEEE!!!
If i could be that carefree girl again and never fail at what i did these are the things id do:
- Start a non profit organization that helps the homeless back into society so that their lives can thrive again. I’d own a building where they could live and have counselors help them with their struggles. id have people donate clothing and buisness atire so they could go out and get jobs. I have a financial advisor teach them how to save and manage money so that they can have their own homes again and be successful enough that they wont worry about being homeless again
- id have an at risk youth program for the arts
- climb a mountain
- Create a program in prisons and juvenlie corrections that helps people change their behaviors too. today we spend money on keeping them ot of society so that they wont hurt anyone else..and when they are entered back into society they usually repeat the same actions bc they were imprisoned with other criminals and because they arent allowed acess to the outside world. Most are dealing with addictions, we’d adress that. Id give them a better reason to live by showing them better ways to live life and work hard to get ahead without committing crimes. Id have an intense experiental approach to keep teens out of the system. introducing them to what their future holds if they continue on this path and also introduce classes they can take so that they have usable skills for when they are released so they could get jobs and stay more out of trouble
Again heres another dream for my dream journal…except im not too sure id want this to happen..in fact id cry if it did!! it was somewhat of a nightmare for me lol
I had this dream last night about my wedding next year..and lets just say it did not happen anything like what im planning now! It started out fine and it was the day of my wedding..except when i go to put on my dress its not what i wanted at all!!! so im freaking out! I picture myself in a lace form fitting dress that buttons up the back! nooo..this dress was lace but you could see straight through it and it was baggy and unflattering! Apparently my moms friend sherri had it made. Made! i didnt want some stranger hand making this crappy dress! so i went with her and made her tell the woman to fix it! I wanted fabric added under the lace and i dont want the long sleeves! i want strapless!
Then the dream changes and im where the ceremony is going to take place..but im confused bc this is not the pavilion i have in mind now…its a park with a pool? and a really pretty bridge going over the pool…it was nice…but not what i would choose. anyways, there are people everywhere swimming when they should be sitting in the chairs getting ready to see me come down the eisle. I run out and start screaming that they needed to get out of the pool and everything and i realize i dont know half of these people. So i tell my mom that we needed to get everone out of the pool and into a line to come into the church (i guess thats the building im getting ready in) and so she does..and i start letting people in until i realize idk any of them and i start telling them they need to leave bc idk who they are. and then theres a blonde woman who gets so offended and my mom tells me that she was a reporter covering the wedding. WELL I DONT WANT HER HERE!! i get so upset at this point! i realize no one even came to my wedding except my family and Michaels family and now i find out i have to pay extra for my dress and i start to cry! its such a disaster!!.
My dream flashes to my mom and sherri talking about how they have this much money and we should just all go to the beach and have a small ceremony with just us. She comes to me and tells me the plan and im immediately excited. So we all get into our cars and start driving to the airport..when we get there im so confused bc i dont see why we dont just drive and save the money for the plane tickets. So my dream begins to take place in the airport..
Rachels friend Steve is suddenly there and hes all dressed in a tux, without the jacket, and hes carrying my new dress and he and rachel are trying to help me find a place to put it on. So he runs off while im bombarded by Michaels nephews Mathew and Michael and they are jumping on me and making me play with them and i suddenly realize idk where my dress is! i yell to Steve WHERE IS MY DRESSS???!!! and he tells me its in the fourth stall and i start to look for it and once i enter the bathroom im suddenly taken into a room over looking the beach. and my sister opens the dress bag and laughs and then says, “i dont think this is the right dress!” and i put it on and its this short puffy dress that makes me look like im wearing cotton balls! i am so upset and then i wake up!!
so that was my strange dream! i hope you find it as amuzing as i do now..or even kinda weird! lol
So for my dream this week ill be telling you about my nightmare i had last night! I have reacurring dreams alot and this was one of them…except i never used to know who all the people in my dream were until last night lol…i know it might not sound like a nightmare but for me it was, mostly because of how detailed it was and it went on like a movie. Usaully my dreams are fragmented..i guess youd have to see it the way i did to know why it was so scarey to me..and it took me forever to fall back asleep again.
Ok so my dream went like this:
I was in a house with Kayla(fiances sister in law) and we were playing with her babies and laughing at how cute they were..this part of the dream went on for a while until it started to change and her parents came over. They were acting reall funny. Like those people in movies who come into anothers persons house and do whatever they want even when theyre there..like convicts or something lol…and then Steven come home (kaylas husband) and i tell him i have to talk to him and we walk outside towards the woods (mind u they normally live at the beach..in the dream we all lived in the middle of the woods…like middle of nowhere) and we start walking along the path and im telling him how funny her parents were acting and how they werent respecting his parents house and everything and as he starts to talk we look up and see police lights and officers scowering the woods. A lady officer approaches us and tells us there has been a gruesome murder and they are investigating so we cant walk here. We say ok and turn around. When we get back we see that Daymon (my brother) is washing off these cars and a Semi(kaylas dads truck) with a hose. As im walking behind these cars and trucks a guy comes up behind me and says hello beautiful and picks me up. He tries kissing me and i keep pushing him away telling him idk who he is and im not his gf and he insists that i am! All of a sudden I have a Twin sister and i say im not my sister u got us mixed up! and she comes around the corner and laughs at his mistake!…but she has blonde hair…(idk how or why i had a twin in my dream its soo weird)…Then Daymon starts washing the semi and as he puts the hose over the grill of it blood pours into the grass! we all scream and we start questioning where it came from. Somehow we know Kaylas dad had something to do with this and his strange behavior makes us question whether or not he murdered those people in the woods. My dream skips at this point and the next thing i remember is that im watching as these men, Kaylas dad and his friend have been locked in a bedroom because theyre the killers and im watching as they talk to each other about murdering us when were sleeping and hididng our bodies. Idk where her mom went but she never appears in my dream again. I also am watching as my brother, steven, and my fiance michael are burying things in our front yard, screaming for everyone to hurry so the cops dont find out ( i find it strange they are doing this in the front yard for anyone to see if they arrived). Im telling them to hurry and i suddenly realize that this is “evidence” but idk what kind of eveidence it is bc it looks like theyre burying a bunch of old junk!
I go back in the house and i see Kayla and my sister Rachel hididng in a corner and im supposed to hide with them and i do. we huddle and then the bf of my twin comes to the window and begins screaming at us..telling us he knows what we did and hell kill us and starts hitting on the window trying to get at us…so my brother runs in and takes a bat and slams it through the window hitting the guy in the head killing him on accident.
We freak out and all of a sudden im standing in the front yard and its years later and i see Matthew and Nathan (Steven and Kaylas babies) running towards me and Nathan asks if ill help him with his homework(they must be at least 7 and 8 now) and matthew laughs at how nerdy he is and i hug him and say of coarse illl help you.
Then i have another flash and i can see these people who years later were murdered and they are hit by the semi and somehow the semi acts like a shredder because their bodies are grinded up and then men dispose of them in the woods…
and that was the end of the dream…it seems so ridiculous because of all the unrealistic things that happen..like why dont we call the police instead of locking the men in the room..or what relevance does it have that i dream of their kids years later then see how those people were murdered, or why were hiding, or why i have a twin? its weird lol but i guess dreams arent supposed to be realistic in that sense. but i was scared nonetheless because of how intense i feel throughout the dream.n
So ive decided that my posts are to limited. I need to spice it up! Im going to post one dream, wish, or hope, or place id like to travel everyday so that you can get to know me better!!!
So for my first dream ever! i want to travel to Italy! My Mom’s side is italian and i have always been fascinated by the culture that exists in Italy!
The roman water system that still exists in the fountains that are all over the city are amazing. The canals of venice! The vast amount of architecture and mueseums!
id need months to see and do everything! I love it so much and its my all time dream to go there!