Yesterday my husband needed me to motivate him. Hes been wanting to get back into shape (which hurts my ego because hes 6’4″ and weighs 170 something..and he thinks he needs to be toned! Hes already toned! and im 167 and still carrying my baby fat from pregnancy!) So we went to the bike trail near our home and i rode my awesome old lady cruiser with Myla and he ran! I rode behind him most of the way, admiring his muscles! Its not a bad view! I told him i cant believe i get to look at him everyday! lol But he started to get winded and so i passed him on my bike and i said “hows success working for you?! hahaha” he told me to shut up! lol If you know my husband like i do youll realize one thing! He is great at pushing other people to do stuff but when u show him up he gets pissed! lol He tries to work out with his brother, who is in less shape than he is and so he will tell him
“lets go man”
“your such a p****” (rude i know!)
“come on man you should be in better shape!”
and so on and so on with insults and banter between them! so i laughed when i passed him and he panted while running because his cardio is lacking! so what a perfect time to take a picture! haha
We stopped fr a break! he was so sweaty!
the bike path..It doesn't look nice but the view on each side is the ocean and the beach
me riding in front of him!
me riding behind
Daddy and Myla with their beanies on! this is after our ride/run. her little face looks wayy fatter then normal! lol
Even though my husband is a hardcore trainer lol I love that he gets me out of the house and outside!
Now that I have shared the Birth details with you..i wanna share with you what it feels like now that my best creation yet has arrived and been with me for 3 weeks now!
When i paint or draw i always have this sense of accomplishment and pride that comes when i’ve finished it. I always think, “wow i made that” or “that turned out better than i thought” and sometimes i’m unhappy with them and i work and work til the art work is exactly what i want it to be! But there is something in my child that fills me with a sense of pride and accomplishment that i’ve never been given before. It may be because without thinking, i created something beautiful. I cant find one flaw in her that i can rework or change a million times. Her fingers and toes are so tiny and delicate and i cant stop kissing them! Her eyes are so wandering and her head bobbles a lot! But i cant imagine a more beautiful little girl and God gave me her!
I don’t think anyone ever prepared me for the love that i am filled with every time i look at her.’ When i married my husband i thought i knew the extent to which love reaches, but Myla has shown me how much farther that love and love in general can be deepened. I look in her little eyes and i just dont know how much i can love anyone as much as i love her. When i look at Michael holding her and the smile he has when he looks at her it warms my heart and sometimes brings tears to my eyes. I couldnt be any luckier than right now!
I think she has taught me how deep love runs, and what i am capable of in life. No other creation of mine has taught me so much about myself, about Michael or about what we want out of life. My love for Michael is so strong and is transformed every time i see him hold her or talk to her or give her “daddy kisses” (he kisses her a bunch of times all over her face) his heart is big and amazing and one day when she looks up him and says “daddy” my heart will leap with joy because i know how much love shes going to fill him with and how much shes going to love him back. She already looks up at him like hes the most amazing thing shes seen. That alone makes my love for them both implant it my heart and its growing roots that will strengthen over time and never be shaken.
Every night i hope and pray that God has an amazing life planned for us and our family. I hope he watches over her and allows my creation and his creation to become a blossom that flourishes and never grows weary in this world. I know Michael and I will guide her into what she will become and i can only hope that she allows God to lead her too. I hope this creation changes the world with her heart and with her soul, i hope her smile lights up someones day and i hope she never utters a mean word that breaks someones spirit! This creation in unfinished…But Michael and I have a great start and i Hope we continue to make her into something amazing.
Even if she is needy and exhausting right now i cant wait to see what kind of person she becomes!
When i started this year i chose the word Create as my word for 2012. Little did i know that i had forgotten about the one thing id created that had not arrived yet..My daughter Myla. Let me tell you how absolutely painful and completely amazing it was to finally bring my best creation into this world. I wont skip any gruesome details, and all the things people never told me about that pissed me off! lol
I had scheduled to be induced at midnight on Thursday March 8th..so she would arrive sometime that Friday. I was excited because she was a week late and having a final date of when she would be born took away so much anxiety i was having as i anticipated the moment my water would break or the contractions would start. BUT she had different plans! Wednesday afternoon at 12:45 my water broke! it wasn’t a normal water breaking that id been told about! It slowly leaked out and i became more and more nervous and i couldnt figure out why until i stood up and it all rushed out! Thank God i had been wearing panty shields or it would have gotten my pants and the floor all wet! and thankgod our living room is very close to the bathroom! BUT!! thats not all! in the process of my water breaking my kitten managed to get lodged in between my dresser and the wall. He was howling and i couldnt find him. and so i gave up and sat down on the couch. He continues to howl so i get up..(Leaking begins) and i realize his meowing is coming from my dresser! How he got behind there is amazing bc its a tiny crack! he was stuck and i started freaking out because i thought he was going to die! i tried pushing him under the dresser but i quickly realized that was not going to happen he was stuck! Then i stood up and Bam water breaks and i run to the bathroom and freak out more because not only is my water just broken and this baby is coming but the damn cat picked the most inconvenient times to get stuck! Especially Because Michael was at work and hes the only one who can move this dresser to get him out! So here i am sqauting with no pants on pushing my hardest at the dresser (forget the baby right? this cat is about to be sqeezed to death!) no to mention it was PT day for the navy and Michael didn’t have his phone on him. 12 unanswered calls made me feel desperate! This cat was gonna die because i’m weak! lol i finally had the idea to lean the dresser not move it and the cat jumped out! Whooo! Now how about this baby!
Michael finally came home and we took our time getting to the hospital. We even stopped at McDonalds where i had a parfait and water. two hours later were at the Hospital and being checked in! After we got into our room they give me the Petosin to help my contractions along because although my water broke i had no contractions even after 3 hours! So when the contractions kicked in they asked about an epidural and i didn’t want one. That wasn’t in my plan! But after 8 hours of contractions i was only dilated to a 3 1/2 and i was in tears! i couldn’t move around i felt like i was dying! So i got the epidural! it was worth it too! Although i wanted to deliver completely natural i realized afterwards that if i hadn’t gotten one i wouldn’t have been able to push her out because i would’ve been exhausted.
Finally i had the urge to push and it took me 2 hours of pushing to get her head out. And it was exhausting and the epidural did not work at that point! So even though i got an epidural i delivered her naturally! i felt everything! I even pushed that button to release the medicine four times and nothing helped! Myla liked having her head touched when i was getting checked for dilation and the nurses always commented on her wiggling head. And now i felt what they were talking about because as she was coming down i could feel her head wiggling. Oh and the most embarrassing part! Every woman fears having a bowel movement and i was sure i wouldn’t have one..but i did! and it wasn’t as embarrassing as i thought it was. The nurse told me it meant i was pushing right! lol
So after 2 hours of pushing and screaming in pain because i felt everything!!! Her head finally came out and the nurse told me to stop pushing! I was like huh?! shes coming out! Why would i stop! They said the doctor was called and she was on her way! But the doctor was slowwwww! i was screaming at the nurses as they were trying to hold the baby’s head in me so she wouldn’t come out before the doctor got there. I wasn’t waiting! i needed to push! Finally the Nurse realized i wasn’t kidding! So she delivered my baby! I was happy too because she was the nurse that was with us all night long and the doctor came in and sewed me up and cut the cord! She didn’t let Michael cut the cord! every father wants to cut the cord and she didn’t even ask! and then she left! So the nurse let him trim the cord because the doctor cut it too long.
I was so relieved when she came! All the pain was worth it and id go through it all over again to have her here! But there were things people never told me about that upset me! (Mostly due to my hormones still being crazy from pregnancy!) No one told me how painful it is when you have to get stitches and how swelled up you get! and then every time you go to the bathroom its a 30 minute process so that they don’t get infected! Also my legs and all of my muscles hurt so bad from labor i felt like i had been hit by a bus and it then backed up over me! I didn’t feel better for about a week and a half and i’m still healing! Also breast feeding is soo hard and it makes you feel so defeated when your baby still screams because shes hungry and you already fed her for and hour on each breast! It made me feel like a terrible parent because i was starving her! I would cry because i would feed her and then 30 minutes later she would be hungry again and she was sucking my breasts dry and wasn’t getting enough later on. I couldn’t clean or eat because i was constantly feeding her. Also i felt like crying for no reason all the time! the tiniest thing would make me cry! This due to lack of sleep and frustration over feeding her. Im sure there are more things that i cried about but that’s all i can think of now!
Then we decided to switch her to formula! we had what the hospital gave us and bought a can of formula too. But she was projectile vommitting and even gave me a huge scare when she stopped breathing because she vommitted twice in a row and couldnt catch her breath! her face scared me most! it was like she knew she couldn’t breathe and the scream that came out when she finally caught her breath was heart breaking! The one thing i feared my whole pregnancy and even when she was born was that i would loose her. And when she lost her breathe it became all to real how much of a fear that is for me! i cried for an hour and i was so scared to feed her again because i didn’t want her to throw up any more. So we switched her to Prosobee formula for sensitive stomachs and she barely spits up now! wheewww! Its such a relief to me now and i hardly worry about her vommitting and loosing her breath again. But Michael is trained in Baby CPR and he taught me so i feel a lot better!
Myla and our kitten that gave me such a hard time! Now hes her protector and sleeps beside her whenever i allow him to!