Daily Post Topic #138: What makes you feel like a kid again?
I think that even through all the stress i go through and all these major life decisions ive been making i still do things that make me feel like a kid..i cherish those and it makes me smile. I think about all the things considered innocent and i hope that i can grasp onto even a few of those as i continue to “grow up.”
Here are all the things that make me feel like a kid:
- popcicles and ice cream
- going to the pet store and wanting every dog i can hold
- walking around outside barefoot…(a rare occasion for me!)
- Disney Movies
- Singing along with musicals
- Day dreaming
- Trying to find images in the clouds
- Splashing my feet in water
- Coloring with CRAYONS…i hate them now bc i cant give pictures details…but children never care about the details they see the whole picture as it is without needing to see the tiniest details we demand as we get older
- Using chalk on the sidewalk
- Exploring through the woods and down trails ..even ones that ive been on a million times
- halloween costumes
- Christmas Day
- Old rock music
- Jumping up and down on a bed
- going to an amusement park and staring up at all the rides
- the disney channel
- watching cartoons
Thats all i have for now…so tell me what makes u feel like a kid again?!
Daily Topic #115: What occupation did you want as a child?
When I was younger i wanted to be a Teacher but as i got into Middle school i met Ms. Richey, my art teacher, and she encouraged my artistic abilities and I wanted to be just like her. When i met her she taught me to see the world for more than the objects around me..I saw things for the beauty they possessed. Suddenly everything was art to me and everything was beautiful. The trees werent just green and the grass wasnt just what i walked on. The Leaves were GREEN! and the grass came alive! i appreciated art for what i could do to express myself and how it allowed me to show others what i saw through my eyes…and then that dream changed too…suddenly i couldnt just draw..i needed inspiration and i drew less and less as i felt i had nothiing to inspire me to do what i love. I suddenly realized i couldnt be confined to an art studio and be an artist who couldnt create. It would destroy my passion into complete nothingness…so I found Art therapy. I could use art to help others express their emotions as i had once..and now that too has transformed into counseling and mental health and adding art.
Its funny how far i have come in my learning and how my dreams have transformed. As the days go by and i meet new people who teach me so much more about myself i learn that theres a whole world at my finger tips and i can still be whatever i want to be when i grow up..just with a little hard work, alot of schooling, and alot of debt!
I have one more semester left of my Bachelors for Art Therapy and i find that im still scared of what i will be or what i will do. I want to Counsel but what if im not good? what if i hate my job? I want to help people, to serve them, to better their lives in someway…but im not exactly sure what ill be doing for the rest of my life. I have a feeling as i get into my career it will transform as i find my way through life and continue to learn more about myself and where im meant to be in life.
When I grow up i dont know what ill be..but i know im on the right path to finding out what that is and im excited to uncover its mystery! Im excited for the future path its leading me on and im ever so grateful for the path that trails behind me because it has brought so many wonderful thingsa and people into my life!
Daily Post Topic #56: What keeps you up at night?
Bonus: What helps you forget about what keeps you up at night?
Lately i have been overdoing it a bit and my schedule is only going to get worse starting this week! I have 18 credit hours, volunteer at Nationwides Childrens Hospital and i now have 2 jobs! Not to mention all the homework i have! its exhausting! Wednesday and Thursday i skipped class because i was soo tired and i just fell asleep for two whole hours! Needless to stay i laid in bed awake for hours staring at the ceiling wishing i could sleep but couldnt!
Alot of things ran through my head so i turned on the tv and watched reruns of jersey shore and teen mom..nope didnt work! i picked up my Chronicles of Narnia book and thought maybe some magical adventure my lure me to sleep..nope!
I thought about Michael and wondered what he was doing and thinking. I wished he were laying in bed next to me because his presence brings me such a comfort that i never lay awake hoping i can stop thinking so i can sleep. His presence calms all raging thoughts and emotions and fills my body with peace. I desperately needed that peace. I think most about him coming home and us finally being together. I think of our wedding that is so stressful planning because both of us have been very indecisive lately.(which we finally came to a descision today!)
I lay awake thinking about the past sometimes..even though i know i shouldnt! i think about how i miss my dad and my grandma and wish they could see me now!
Last night i layed awake and i thought of all the blessings God has given me lately: a wonderful fiance, my family is doing so good, i am voluneering, got a new job, i was nominated for an art society..and i prayed like hell nothing bad would happen to take all of these blessings away! My happiness has seemed to good to be true! i tell my friends to focus on the now and to live in the present and to worry about future things when they come…yet here i am worrying too! i guess im not very good with my own advice!
So what puts me to sleep finally? I pray and pray and pray. I talk to God for so long i bet he gets tired of hearing my endless stream of thoughts worries and complaints! and eventually i tire myself out and i fall right to sleep. Its funny how God can put a hush over my thoughts, he puts peace in my mind and i fall asleep forgetting my worries. I wake up wondering how and when i fell asleep but thatnkful that i finally did!
Daily Post Topic#45: If you could go back in time and have a 5 minute conversation with yourself ten years ago, what would you say?
10 years ago..wow..such a hard time for my family. My father had passed away 4 months prior and everything was just upside down…however i wouldnt want to give away anything about the future so that i will make all the same choices up til now..so heres what i would say to me:
“hey! i know that things are rough right now and they will continue to be..sometimes it will get worse and sometimes it wont. Through the next few years you will have some hard times..so hard you wonder why dad had to die and why moms taking it so hard..but be strong! i promise that in ten years you will be in such a wonderful place in your life and you will be unbearably happy! until then dont worry about the mistakes you make, you will learn from each..you will get ur heart broken, move alot, loose friends, and gain friends. You will meet so many wonderful people who will guide you and show you who to be! they will forever influence you and shape your heart. But you will also meet people who will hurt you, disapoint you, take advantage of you, and try to make u into something your not..just remeber who you are and never forget bc through those times u will eventually remember and come back to you…and always love god no matter where or who u become. Always forgive, but never forget. Hug grandma and aunt kim as much as possible and spend time with them because they love you so much! be patient with your siblings and always take care of them regaurdless of what anyone says..and always always love yourself!”
Daily post topic # 39 What is something you believed in, until an experience changed your mind?
I always believed that love was enough. That with enough love it could heal a relationship, heal hearts, change someone…but it isnt. No matter how much i loved someone and tried to show them that i did it was never enough. It wasnt enough to heal the brokeness of our relationship, it wasnt enough to close the distance between us, it wasnt enough to change their ideas or preconceived notions…it didnt change the people they wanted to be. Ultimately the love i was trying to shovel out only hurt me in return because i was giving so much but not getting anything in return. Everything that i believed changed so fast and became something of a disapointment to me..disapointed that for once Love didnt conquer all.
And thats how it goes…sometimes lust, greed,differences, drugs and alcohol win dramatically over love..It makes us feel like were not enough. But thats not the truth! We are enough, our love is great but the person we give our love to is not. Sometimes they cant see what we offer only until its gone! Then they want what we have to give, then they want our love. Why cant love be enough before we get tired of giving and giving and giving? People are so consumed by their own desires and wants that they forget to include ours…and then its too late. Goodbye you and Hello to someone new! Maybe that someone new is ourselves…Hello to hurt, anger and disapointment that transforms our hearts, heals them and allows for happiness to come through. Its a dreadful experience, with tears and lonliness. But one that allowed me to seal that giant world shaped hole in my heart with God. With pure love. One that comes from friends who still love you and family who always had.
Ive found this notion of love not being enough in my relationships in the past but also with friends. Sometimes love isnt enough to keep these going, togetherness does…and that ultimately determines if love will conquer.
Daily Topic #35: when teleportation is finally possible where will you beam yourself first??
Im so in love with this topic! I used to love that show Charmed, and the sister could beam anywhere she wanted with anyone as long as she held onto them! Even that movie Jumper! So heres my list of to do’s when its actually possible!
Id say id beam myself into my fiances bunk and supries him!
Or to the beach when i get cold so i wouldnt need 5 blankets in this terribly cold ohio weather! id just let the sun warm me up 🙂
id like to sit on a tall mountain and watch the sun sink beneath the clouds
HELLOO all the places in the world id love to travel! Goodbye $1000 plane tickets!
Yay for not having to walk through 5 degree weather to class and work
to the mall with my sisters when they are home and im at school
heres to waking up 5 minutes before class and making it on time!
no more walking in the rain!
NO MORE PLANE RIDES!!! (although id miss roadtrips!)
Goodbye gas prices! Hello more money to spend!
itd be nice to see my family that i havent seen in a while
- Can i just fly instead??? id love to see the sights along the way!
Daily Topic: If you could live forever would you? why or why not?
Thinking of forever..its a really long time! But i say it all the time! i love you forever! i hope were friends forever…but forever isnt what were saying. What were realy saying is i love you until death seperates us and ill be your friend until life circumastances and death seperate us. But what if forever really meant forever? I think of all the wonderful things i could do! i could see the whole world and then some! But i would never want to live forever! I would watch everyone i love die and then have to start all over every generation, i wouldnt really be living in that since.
It reminds me of Peter Pan. Before Wendy decides to fly off with him into the night he says “Come with me and you’ll never have to grow up or do grown up things!” she smiles and says, “that would be an awefully big adventure!” and flys away with him…yet at the end we see that reversed as he looks into the window and says, “to live would be a very big adventure…” and flys away…
The whole point of life is that it is short and in that amount of time we are given we can choose how to live it…im not afraid to die or afraid of all the things that come with life! im ready to embrace them, not live them over and over trying to do them differently each time. I dont wanna watch everyone i love die…i want to die along with them. I hope i live a very long life but i wanna see my grandchildren out live me not the other way around! I know these vampire stories glorify never dying but i dont think thats what we were created for! personally im looking forward to dying so that i can spend eternity with my heavenly father 🙂
Is it always better to know the truth, even when it hurts? Or is ignorance bliss?
I always want to know the truth, regaurdless if it hurts me or not. Only in one case would i rather not know…If someone does something repeatably ( like cheats on me and i dont know about it) and it makes me look stupid by being with them, then tell me. Otherwise i dont think i would wanna know as long as that person NEVER does it again. I wouldnt want my happiness to be ruined by a mistake…i only say this out of exerience and by not being hypocritical. Otherwise i would always wanna know the truth because id rather know and not be blind.
What’s the single most important thing you accomplished in 2010? And how do you plan to top it in 2011?
The most important thing I did last year was learning how to love myself first. I have always struggled with loving who i am and the way i look. My self esteem was at an all time low and because of that i didnt love the right way in relationships. Until July i had been in a terrible relationship for the previous 3 years. On and off again, we fought, i drank and smoked because i wanted him to love me…those which are truly the two things i regret in life…he cheated on me repetedly and i took him back everytime..we had nice moments but they became very few in between. He was selfish and mean and never appreciative of all the things i did for him, yet no matter how bad it was i still clung to him..out of fear that i would be alone, out of fear that he wass all i would have, the mere thought that i could be happier was far from my mind..i was scared to be with anyone else because i didnt think anyone else would love me. When i lived with him i believed everything would get better, not worse….and somewhere along the line i started to feel seperate from him..the last time he cheated numbed me. and i finally realized that i deserved better. I had given up so many friends, i turned my back on God and who I KNEW i was all along, but i ignored that because i searched for love in all the wrong places, and in all the wrong people. I dont know how many times i called my sister to come get me and one day i realized i didnt want to go back, and i didnt miss him. I was done crying and all that was left was disapointment. Disapointment in myself for being naive and disapointment that i had allowed myself to be something other than myself. Michael and i had been friends since we were younger and i always asked him for advice because he was the only person i knew i could trust who wouldnt be biased. He made me laugh and asked me what i wanted in an equal…my equal? i had forgotten that that was what i wanted all along…and i finally let go and started to try and be myself again. My mom told me she thought she had lost me and was happy to have me home. It broke my heart that she believed that..and even more that it had been true. When i started listening to my heart and getting it right with God i could feel a new light within myself, like i had been given a new chance to get life right. God brought me back into the love of my family..my mom rubbed my back everynight and told me everything would be okay. Michael constantly reminded me of who i was and what it was that i believed. God brought him to me and my life has been ever so blessed like it has never been before. When i came back to school my friends saw a new light in me, they said it seemed like i could breathe again, like i was free to be myself. They were right! i could breathe, and i was breathing as i always had and i loved myself so much more for it.
This year I am planning my wedding. Thats how I will top last year! I am so excited that i have found one person who i know loves me unconditionally, who accepts all that i am and teaches me to continue to be myself apart from him. together we cultivate a relationship that will last for 50 years and longer! lol He is everything to me and while hes on his deployment i will be planning for us to celebrate our love with our friends and family. I cannot wait until he comes home so that we can begin our lives together. I know that i will get stressed out and be sad because hes gone but planning this wedding will remind me that our relationship is more than distance, love transcends that and time. I hope that i make the right descions, that i plan everything so that it reflects mine and Michaels love without a doubt to anyone who attends.
So far here are my plans lol
I want a vintage wedding. And flowers like these 🙂 i would show what i have in mind for my dress but thats bad luck! But i want it to be all lace and buttoning up the back, with a bridcage veil. I also want either Milk white glass vases (as candleholders) or antique candleabras, as lighting for the tables surrounded by flowers like in the picture above.
I basically want it to look like this if i dont have the antique candleholders. Its so beautiful to me 🙂 and as for the ceremony cite i have fallen in love with The Columbus Park of Roses. And the spiral stair gazebo! So, that will be my year as planned right now!
What gives you hope? And what, if anything, makes you question hope?
Hope…such a large, broad word that covers so much. So many things give me hope..a smile, a hug, a joke from someone i love who is trying to cheer me up, a flower, a babies cooing, a sunrise and sunset, fields of sunflowers, laughter, inspiring photos, quotes from the wise, my favorite bible verses, stories about overcoming huge obstacles or illnesses, talking with friends, giving advice and so much more. Each of these shows me that life is wonderful and God is amazing! That i should feel blessed at the sight of these things and be filled with Joy..even in the worst of times. God gave us life so that we may live it abundantly and when life is getting me down i look around me and see the beautiful creations God has set before me. Its hard not to stare in awe of his wonderful creations and his glory. Knowing that God chose me as his child gives me hope. I dont deserve his forgiveness, i dont deserve to have been as blessed as i am, but everyday i wake up and God is calling me and loving me beyond all measures. How could i not be filled with hope? Just knowing that i am in Gods will allows me to know that wonderful and awful things will happen but i am promised the hope of eternity without pain and suffering. How awesome is that??!!
Obviously there are times when hope seems out of sight..when the darkest corners of life surround me and drownd out the tiniest bit of light left for me to see. These times are when i have been disapointed, when someone i know becomes sick or even dies, when my plans dont run accordingly, when i fail at small tasks, when someone degrades me or brings me down with their own suffering, when someone i care about doesnt support me…ect. You get the point. Hard times always make me feel small. Like the things that i do couldnt possibly matter or make a difference. Like who i am and want to be could never be accomplished or measured up to compared to others in those areas. But then a ray of sunshine falls on my face and i remeber that God would never put me through anything that i could not handle. I remeber that i will be opressed because Jesus was opressed first. And that all obstacles before me will strengthen who i am as a person. Also, those around me continue to enlighten me with ideas and thoughts about how hard times sometimes lead to better outcomes, and plans dont work out so that others can fall into place. I am immediately filled with hope again and optimism and i feel better. I remind myself that yes i am small, but even the faith of a mustard seed sould move a mountain. Just because i am small doesnt mean i cant accomplish what God has planned for me.