Tag Archives: Fiance

For The First Time

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 I love this song by The Script “For the First Time”
It makes me think of Michael and this stupid deployment thats keeping us apart and yesterday i got a call from him for the first time in almost 2 weeks! thats alot considering we used to talk everyday and skype! so its definately hard
 
So, you wanna know what i was thinking about yesterday?…
I was day dreaming about all the scenarios in which i would see him again and how would i feel when i did? Would i be with his parents when he arrives off the ship or would i be there days later and meet him in the airport? I always see him in the airport and i see him waiting for me looking around to find me…i guess thats what i picture now too! But how would i greet him? I always say ill run and leap into his arms and hug him and kiss him…but that never happens bc i have too many bags weighing me down that i cant even jump! lol Or will i just walk up to him and hug him? I really hope i dont because if i have waited 8 months i hope i have more enthusiasm than for a casual stroll and a hug! If thats what i do i might just kick myself! But really how do i know what will happen and how it will play out?
Most importantly how will i feel? Will i cry at the pure Joy of seeing his face? or will i just smile until my face hurts?
Personally  i have tears just thinking about seeing him so i will probably cry! I hope thats okay!
I feel like im on a rollercoaster sometimes and im ready to get off and see the rest of the park with him. I feel so happy and yet so sad when i think about him because i feel emmensely lucky and then terribly sad that hes not here. I think about seeing him and i get so excited but then im brought down by the next four or so months ahead! and im afraid. I hope he still loves me in person as much as he loves me in emails! He would be mad that i even think this but i think im just being realistic. People can say or be anything they want in texts and emails but its spending time together that really matters and defines the relationship. So i hopee that we still love each other if not more then just as much as when he left.
 
I love this song because when i think of seeing michael again i can see us staying up all night talking as if were meeting for the first time again….thats how i know it will feel to me after 8 months. Its like meeting a stranger yet feeling like you have known them your entire life…except i have known Michael for almost my entire life and hes not a stranger…its just gonna take time to have that same comfort level back when were in each others presence and to get to know each others physical being and habits and just our general presence to one another again.
 
I watched a show about military men coming home and one of the wifes said that when he comes home she cries because he becomes real for her again. Emails and letters are what they become reduced to and when she sees her husband reality hits her because she realizes he isnt just a dream…and i feel the exact same way.. i wonder if i do dream him up and i know i didnt. But seeing him again will be so emotional becuase hes my best friend and i love him so much! i dont know how i get through my days without him. It will be so nice to have him back again!
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Gods Blessings

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Last night was a much needed night of praising God and singing his praises. I wish it didnt take a trip to Candlelight to realize that even through hard times and stressful times God has been blessing me… I wish singing songs of praise werent the things that made me realize this, but maybe its just what my heart needed. Prayer is hard when i have a million worries running in my head, i cant concentrate long enough to tell God what im really feeling…but singing someone elses words and letting them be mine to allows everything else to fade away and all of a sudden i am filled with peace and i actually slept peacefully last night.

God has surely blessed me and i think i will take time to say these things that i am so thankful for!

  • My family and my friends (even though im too busy to see them they understand and remain there for me when i need them  Thankyou!)
  • My fiance (even though hes thousands of miles away he reminds me everyday that he loves me and i know in my heart he does. I know God has chosen him for me and sometimes i forget that hes in this with me and im not alone 🙂
  • My Jobs that god gives to me gracefully allowing me to afford to live
  • My volunteering that teaches me to be lighter hearted and more childlike
  • My car
  • My life in general
  • The people in my life, professors, friends, bosses who teach me things ive never known before, who teach me to look within myself and to cultivate my soul
  • the future i have that will be bright because God is continuosly guiding me and showing me the path i should walk on
  • school..its stressful and hard but im soo thankful for the scholarships and financial aid that comes from generous people who believe in students like me..im also thankful that bc of school i have learned so much about myself that i can confidently say i know who i am deep down
  • the weather
  • the sunshine 🙂
  • good food
  • a home/place to live
  • love

Heres a song i just heard last night and i loved it 🙂 enjoy!

I hope we never forget that we are more than ourselves and God created us for much more than our own selfish needs!

Nightly Worries

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Daily Post Topic #56: What keeps you up at night?

Bonus: What helps you forget about what keeps you up at night?

Lately i have been overdoing it a bit and my schedule is only going to get worse starting this week! I have 18 credit hours, volunteer at Nationwides Childrens Hospital and i now have 2 jobs! Not to mention all the homework i have! its exhausting! Wednesday and Thursday i skipped class because i was soo tired and i just fell asleep for two whole hours! Needless to stay i laid in bed awake for hours staring at the ceiling wishing i could sleep but couldnt!

Alot of things ran through my head so i turned on the tv and watched reruns of jersey shore and teen mom..nope didnt work! i picked up my Chronicles of Narnia book and thought maybe some magical adventure my lure me to sleep..nope!

I thought about Michael and wondered what he was doing and thinking. I wished he were laying in bed next to me because his presence brings me such a comfort that i never lay awake hoping i can stop thinking so i can sleep. His presence calms all raging thoughts and emotions and fills my body with peace. I desperately needed that peace. I think most about him coming home and us finally being together. I think of our wedding that is so stressful planning because both of us have been very indecisive lately.(which we finally came to a descision today!)

I lay awake thinking about the past sometimes..even though i know i shouldnt! i think about how i miss my dad and my grandma and wish they could see me now!

Last night i layed awake and i thought of all the blessings God has given me lately: a wonderful fiance, my family is doing so good, i am voluneering, got a new job, i was nominated for an art society..and i prayed like hell nothing bad would happen to take all of these blessings away! My happiness has seemed to good to be true! i tell my friends to focus on the now and to live in the present and to worry about future things when they come…yet here i am worrying too! i guess im not very good with my own advice!

So what puts me to sleep finally? I pray and pray and pray. I talk to God for so long i bet he gets tired of hearing my endless stream of thoughts worries and complaints! and eventually i tire myself out and i fall right to sleep. Its funny how God can put a hush over my thoughts, he puts peace in my mind and i fall asleep forgetting my worries. I wake up wondering how and when i fell asleep but thatnkful that i finally did!

To my Love on this Valentines Day!

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Dear Michael,

Today is our first valentines and although your thousands of miles away from me and i cant even talk to you i feel so blessed to say that i am your fiance! i am so in love with you and everyday i am amazed by how much you love me. I feel so happy to call u mine. i cant wait until you come home and i get to hug u and kiss you. I cant wait to walk down the eisle and see your smiling face at the end! I couldnt have asked for a better person to spend my life with! you are my best friend, my love, my everything ! I miss you everyday! be safe and come home to me soon!!

Hello Monday!

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Hello Monday!

Hello happy valentines day (and my love not being here)!

Hello text message telling me happy valentines day from my love!

Hello art history (and your exam im about to study for!)

Hello 40 degree weather!(and cloudy skies :(..)

Hello leggings, boots and sweater dress!

Hello making the best of today!

Hello making note cards bc i got a bad grade on my last exam!

Hello LOVE! L is for the way u look at me, O is for the only one i see,V is very very extraordinary is E is even more than anyone that you adore!